Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
