we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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