Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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