there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
