i just google imaged poop.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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