what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
