he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
