If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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