dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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