she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I have aggressive nipples.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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