You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
