Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
false alarm, still single
Randomize
