im having a threesome with these popsicles
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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