i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
