I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So much rum. So many feels.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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