he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
