he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
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