I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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