Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
