i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
