You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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