thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
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some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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