She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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