Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
sarcasm needs its own font
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
