I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
