Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
