did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
