Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
