just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
