I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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