think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
