I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
