shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
