Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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