like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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