things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
