He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
