The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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