Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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