Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
