it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
try to milk me bitch
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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