my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
they're like a gay fantastic four
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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