Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
