Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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