Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
