i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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