so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
