all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
