Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
