Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
