im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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