So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize