why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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