dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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