i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
