I want to have your abortion
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
