I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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