I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
