Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
