my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
