I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
