I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
