I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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