i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
