you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
