I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
