Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
