I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
