Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm both gender and math confused
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
