I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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