just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
