??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize