woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
