Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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