Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
