My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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