I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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